maaaanda

life is sooo good.

i love pi phi.
i love the trojan dance force girls and dancing everyday.
i love my roommate nancy and the ice hotel slash place we store our belongings.
i love the new baby pi phis.
i love late nights at aepi.
i love the new people ive met in the past month.
i love going to the 9-0 every night of the week.
i love parties at the court.
i love when my mom brings me chinese food.
i love tom the pi phi security guard and how he thinks nance and i are trouble.
i love my jazz music history class.
i love having my car here.
i love getting blazed with my friends.
i love going on adventures with smashley.
i love how close i have gotten to my best friends in pi phi.
i love starting dance parties everywhere we go.

yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.

i seem like such a debbie downer. therefore, pictures from the good points of my summer.










marc just left but i miss him already


the same goes for vanessa




i miss my best friend and i still cant wait to get back to sc




and of course some lyrics:

"let it die" feist


Let it die and get out of my mind
We don't see eye to eye
Or hear ear to ear
Don't you wish that we could forget that kiss ?
And see this for what it is
That we're not in love

The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn't the ending so much as the start

It was hard to tell just how I felt
To not recognize myself
I started to fade away
And after all it won't take long to fall in love
Now I know what I don't want
I learned that with you

The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn't the ending so much as the start
The tragedy starts from the very first spark
Losing your mind for the sake of your heart
The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn't the ending so much as the start

okay, its really really obvious to me right now
that i need to get out of here.

haven't had a lot to say in a while...i still dont but im updating for the sake of updating.

the past few months ive been thinking quite a bit about my place in relationships, and the place that i always seem to find myself in. obviously relationships require give and take, and often the demise of the relationship is based upon one party's inablitity to give. the taking is usually pretty easy.

its strange to think about who in your life you would be willing to change for. how much of yourself you would, in a sense, get rid of, in order to please another person. who is truly deserving of that huge committment? and is that person the same person you would be willing to do it for? and then theres if someone asked you to change an aspect of your personality and you said "no," is it even worth being with that person?

and what if the person you would be willing to change for wouldnt change for you? and if you even want them to change, should be with them in the first place?

on a slightly different track, found these feist lyrics today:
And it's impossible to tell
How important someone was
And what you might have missed out on
And how he might have changed it all
And how you might've changed it all for him
And how you might have it all
And how you might've changed it all for him

a month of school left? makes me depressed even thinking about it.

nothing really new in my life. im just existing. dealing with whatever, whenever it comes.

for the most part life is great. i dont want summer to come.

69 Confession Questions

1. The phone rings, who do you want it to be?
an automated response so that i dont have to talk to anyone.

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
if im feeling particularly nice, usually no

3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?
both

4. Do you take compliments well?
i get sort of awkward

5. Do you play Sudoku?
no once i did an easy one and it took over an hour, then i decided it wasnt my thing.

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive?
probably

7. Do you like to ride horses?
yeah i love it

8. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
cheer camp? otherwise no

9. What was your favorite game as a kid?
ummm idk i liked board games

10. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was married, would you go for it?
probably not.

12. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you?
definitely

13. Do you like to pursue or be pursued
depends. i like pursuing though.

14. Use three words to describe yourself:
independent, silly, strong-willed

15. Do any songs make you cry?
yup

16. Are you continuing your education?
usc what up what up

17. Do you know how to shoot a gun?
yeah man

18. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grab?
good question...i dont live at home, so idk.

19. How often do you read books?
all the time

20. Do you think more about the past, present or future?
past

21. What is your favorite children's book?
i used to love nancy drew books

22. What color are your eyes?
brown

23. How tall are you?
5'4"

24. Where is your dream house located?
im not sure, i have a lot of dreams

27. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?
yup, they are right in front of me taped to my bulliten board actually

28. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden?
like, never.

30. Where was the furthest place you traveled today?
lol ummmm down Figeroa to the tv8 station

32. Do you like mustard?
ya i love it

33. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
fuck...sleep. its a tough call.

34. Do you look like your mom or dad?
my dad fasho.

35. How long does it take you in the shower?
at home like 30 min...in the dorms 10 cause its gross.

36. Can you do the splits?
yeah word

37. What movie do you want to see right now?
music and lyrics

39. What did you do for New Year's?
got dreezed at amy's with my best friends from the homeland

40. Do you think The Grudge was scary?
yeah so scary that i never saw it

42. Do you own a camera phone?
ya bitch

44. Was your mom a cheerleader?
yup

45. What's the last letter of your middle name?
w

47. How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
lately a ton cause i dont sleep for a night then i sleep like 10 hours the next night...its actually really wierd and i should figure it out.

48. Do you like care bears?
yeah dude

49. What do you buy at the movies?
sourpatch

50. Do you know how to play poker?
yeah im so bomb

51. Do you wear your seatbelt?
yeah

52. What do you wear to sleep?
depends

53. Anything big ever happen in your hometown?
yeah man the pv is a happening place.

54. How many meals do you eat a day?
usually 1...i get out of whatever im doign at like 7, eat at like 8

55. Is your tongue pierced?
no nono

56. Do you always read MySpace bulletins?
no only if im looking for a shitty quiz to do cause im bored

58. Do you like funny or serious people better?
both

59. Ever been to L.A.?
yeah i live in effing south central

60. Did you eat a cookie today?
nope

61. Do you use cuss words in other languages?
no

62. Do you steal or pay for your music download?
steal

63. Do you hate chocolate?
i liike it

64. What do you think your parents fight about the most?
many things

65. Are you a gullible person?
not really

66. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy?
no

67. If you could have any job (assuming you have the skills) what would it be?
rockstar. duh.

68. Are you easy to get along with?
yeah, until you get to know me...then idk. im the kind of person you have to get used to.

69. What is your favorite time of day?
night.

umm so schools chill. my classes are pretty chill. my friends are pretty chill.

im writing a paper right now and its pretty boring.



im taking this BOMB film class and watching great movies.


im living in pi phizzle next year with the love of my life nance pants.


better update later

resolutions

dividing these into the various areas of my life. these are more for second semester than next year.

1. Social
- stop going out on tuesdays as much.
- make friends. at least a couple. preferably girls, since i have like, none.
- make friends that arent from palos verdes.
- become more involved in pi phi.
- hug smash more regularly.
- become cool. haha just kidding. we all know it wont happen.

2. Academics
- go to office hours.
- go to class. skip a maximum of two classes a week. attend discush.
- join ATVN.
- read the books.
- finally finish that minor application.
- do...better.

3. Family
- be nice.

4. Other
- go to the gym. drop all of the weight gained during winter break. maybe more.
- learn to ride a bike.
- weasel tom slash smash into taking me to upstairs commons at least twice a month.
- keep my room clean.
- find a job. preferably upstairs commons.
- drink slash smoke less.
- keep life in check. dont freak out as much.
- keep in contact with old friends. at least a little.
- find housing for next year.

grand total: $430.50 if i counted correctly. give or take. mostly give.

do it, see what a skank you are.



Smoked pot -- $10
Did acid -- $5
Ever had sex at church -- $25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you -- $40
Had sex with someone on LJ -- $25
Had sex for money -- $100
Vandalized something -- $20
Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10
Beat up someone -- $20
Been jumped -- $10
Crossed dressed -- $10
Given money to stripper -- $25
Been in love with a stripper -- $20
Kissed some one who's name you didn't know -- $0.10
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work -- $15
Ever drive drunk -- $20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50
Used toys while having sex -- $30
Got drunk, passed and don't remember the night before -- $20
Went skinny dipping -- $5
Had sex in a pool -- $20
Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20
Cheated on your significant other -- $10
Masturbated -- $10
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend -- $20
Done oral -- $5
Got oral -- $5
Done / got oral in a car while it was moving -- $25
Stole something -- $10
Had sex with someone in jail -- $25
Made a nasty home video -- $15
Had a threesome -- $50
Had sex in the wild -- $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $25
Stole something worth more than a hundred dollars -- $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50
Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25
Went streaking -- $5
Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15
Been arrested -- $5
Spent time in jail -- $15
Peed in the pool -- $0.50
Played spin the bottle -- $5
Done something you regret -- $20
Had sex with your best friend -- $20
Had sex with someone you work with at work -- $25
Had anal sex -- $80
Lied to your mate -- $5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- $25

*************************edit 09/23/06

okay. upon reading this again, i was just realizing how weird it is that doing anal sex is $80, second highest amount only to having sex for money ($100). thats odd to me. whats so bad about anal sex? not saying that cause ive done it, or cause i havnt, for that matter, but its still weird. so anal sex is is almost 6 times worse than spending time in jail or making a nasty home video(each $15)? 4 times as bad as drunk driving ($40), which is a leading cause of death? 8 times worse than cheating on your significant other ($10)?

i guess theres not really much point in questioning the ethical values of a livejournal survey.

winter break, doods. home till jan 4th ish?

call me up and we will play.


i...miss...sc...already. blahhhh. so very much.
2nd semester will be good.

i never write anymore, which really surprises me. its not that im not all angst-y anymore, i am sometimes, but its just not to the same degree as i was in high school. actually im in general a lot happier than i have been. but when i do have these bouts of angst i have no means to channel it into something at all creative or productive. now its like i just sit, sink into my own self pity. what a waste of a creative mind.

And I remember the night you said,


"Lets go for a ride"


I didn't want the night to end.


Would we be more than friends?


Yet little did I know before,


we would be something more

"you girls are my CORE UNIT"

Feelin' Better
Since I surrendered
You can't Climb
'Till you're ready to fall
You're not a land mine
You're not a gold mine
No you're not mine at all

So tell me baby
Can you hear me?
I sent a message out into the dark
It's a mystery
When you're near me
I've gotta find my way to your heart

I learnt my lesson
First impressions
More often right than wrong
It's not a slow dance
This modern romance
Feels like we've already waited too long

Don't worry baby
'bout how it should be
I sent a message out into the dark
I'd rather talk to you
About how it could be
I've gotta find my way to your heart

I was one of those
Breathing tornadoes
But now I live at the eye of the storm
And it's all faded
Then since the separation
Since I let your love keep me warm

You tell me baby
That you can feel me
I sent a message out into the dark
When I kiss you
That's the real me
I've gotta find my way to your heart

So tell me baby
Can you hear me
I sent a message out into the dark
It's a mystery
When you're near me
I've gotta find my way to your heart



...thanks for the song reid <3

lame quizz!!!

THE LAST PERSON WHO:
1. Slept in your bed besides you: that would be smashley, who is currently in my bed.
2. Saw you cry: smashley again, because my mom sent me a sappy email, but i only shed like one tear. which is weird cause at home i cried all the time lol
3. Made you cry: just being away from pv...but i usually get over that quickly
4. Went to the movies with you: step up with LC!
5. You went to dinner with: lol i go to dinner with smash/maddie/carol pretty much every night
6. You talked on the phone: amanda hayley so that i could borrow some 80s ski gear
7. Said 'I love you' to you and really meant it: skyler
8. Broke your heart: it has been a while
9. Made you laugh: SMASH cause we are together 24/7

W O U L D Y O U R A T H E R:
1. pierce your nose or tongue?: nose
2. be serious or be funny?: funny
3. drink whole or skim milk?: non fat
4. die in a fire or drown? drown...ugh.
5. spend time with your parents or enemies?: it depends on what i am doing. prob my parents

A R E Y O U:
1. simple or complicated? complicated
2. Gay? only for maddie
3. Hardcore? hardcore at some things

DO YOU PREFER:
1. flowers or candy?: flowers
2. gray or black?: black
3. Color or Black and white photos?: depends the picture
5. sunrise or sunset?: Sunsets
6. M&Ms or Skittles?: m&m, or yellow skittles
7. rap or rock?: depends, usually rock
8. staying up late or waking up early? stayin up late

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
1. do you like anyone?: a little bit here and there, but im the flighty sort
2. do they know it?: maybe
3. do they like you? perhaps

DO YOU PREFER:
1. sun or moon?: moon
2. Winter or Fall?: fall
3. left or right?: right
4. having 10 acquaintances or having two best friends? THREE best friends
5.vanilla or chocolate?: vanilla
6 vodka or jack?: ugh...vodka, but good vodka

ABOUT YOU:
What time is it?: 5:36
Name?: amanda
Nickname(s): herm, manda, mands
Where were you born?: LA
What is your birthdate?: june 4
what song do you have stuck in your head?: walk through hell - say anything

WHAT DO YOU WANT:
Where do you want to live? so cal, nothings better
How many kids do you want?: 2 maybe
What would you want to name a girl? riley
What would you want to name a boy? ughhh its this name that dominik and i both really like but i cant remember. i like noah and zach

UNIQUE:
1. Nervous Habits?: knuckle cracking
2. Are you double jointed?: in some places
3. Can you roll your tongue?: yep
4. Can you raise one eyebrow?: yep
5. Can you cross your eyes?: yep
6. Do you make your bed daily?: lol not really
7. Which shoe goes on first?: no matter
8. ever thrown one at someone?: for sure
9. On the average: what?
10. What jewelry do you wear?: my two rings, the chinese one and the ctr one
11. Do you twirl your spaghetti: nooopee
12. Have you ever eaten Spam: yeah i LOVE SPAM, as my team would tell you ahha
13 How many kinds cereal are in your cabinet?: one, smart start
15. What's your favorite beverage?: diet coke, pulpy orange juice
16. What's your favorite restaurant: big wok
17. Do you cook?: badly

LET'S BE HONEST:
In the last month have you...
1. Had a bf/gf: nope
2. Bought something: yeup
4. Sang: hahaha all the time
5. Been kissed: yep
6. Had sex: yep
8. Missed someone: oh yes
9. Been Drunk: haha yeah
10. Gotten high: yea
11. Danced crazy: of course
12. Gotten your hair cut: no, i hardly ever do
13. Cried: barely
14. Lied: im sure
15.Snuck out of the house: well since i dont live at home, no

weellll ive been at usc for roughly a month and a half now, and, im not going to lie, its pretty damn stellar. i love everything and...i made friends! amazing ones!! who would have thought. so, in order to prove this to all you skeptics, i thought i would give you all some pictures. i remember vanessa doing this last year and being like aw, friends. so here we are:

-->


i just think this pic is awesome. us cool TO kids went to the getty and it was AWESOME.


these are my really cool friends at bid night, before we all found out which houses we got into.


some friends in front of SAE on a night out. the people you DONT know are paige and rob and they are pretty cool. rob doesnt really like girls, which isnt working for me.


this is doug, but i like calling him dougie and playing him the doug themesong. he is from chicago and flies planes in his free time. we went to his invite together and he can talk for HOURS without realizing it. doug is always down for some beer and a cigar, which i love.


chase is nates roommate, and, im not going to lie, hes really weird. he is in SAE and basically he is ugly and everyone hates him. haha just kidding.


this is me and smash and MATTY. it gets so confusing cause we have to emphasize the maTTy. he is DELICATE, and is a HYPOCONDRIAC and ash and i like to hang out in his room and send him deliveries. he makes this great face that shows surprise, he is pretty much the only person that loves my laugh, and he is in TO. basically, i LOVE matty. but i love his gf christina more. hah.


im in the MOST AMAZING SORORITY EVER, PI BETA PHI!!!!! this is me skylar and lexi on bid night. lexi is my next door neighbor and always comes into my room and cries at the movies i watch.


ashley is a pi phi too!! and we are in annenberg scholars together and we live like, next to each other almost and she is the coooolest girl cause she is jewish and loves sushi, like me.


mike and sho are roommates; mike is from minnesota and i love his accent and sho is from guam and is hapa. people say we look like siblings, but i dont see it. mike plays hockey for usc and is in broadcast with me. carol and i hung out with them at orientation and now we are friends.


collin! another pv kid. guh. he is my hapa friend and i love seeing him at sigmachi.


for pi phi, our invite was a LUAU and tom funnell was my date! its so weird, tom is from pv and i didnt even know him cause he went to pv high. we are literally the same...we love black coffee, beer, cuddling, cigs, and being badass. we are together about 24/7, and he likes it cause he is my bitch.


this is me and the other amanda before luau. she is from texas we sit next to each other alphabetically cause her last name is hayley. we confuse people cause we are always together and introduce ourselves in a row. she is ALWAYS happy. its kinda freaky.


we LOVE usc football!! this is me, smash, carol, matty, and tom's roommate jesse after the nebraska game. jesse is HILARIOUS, in TO, and a STUD. matty was going to make us walk a million years through the ghetto to get to a hookah bar, but we denied him.


i actually love these two...brian and eric are in delta chi and this is us at their invite. we live on the same floor and i am always in their rooms. brian is from norcal, is a hip hop dancer (sorta), and is HILARIOUS. eric is kinda amazing, is in TO, has great facial hair, and is from washington. we call him HOBS cause he looks like the guy who plays charlie in lost and a hobbit. they both always take care of me and walk me home...i basically owe them my life on MANY occasions.


tom says i am CUT. this is the location where tom usually takes cig breaks.


this girl is my LIFE. nancy and i actually met last summer at UCLA and now we are both PI PHIS! she is from houston, is a CRAZY girl, and i absolutely love her. she basically guarantees a good time.


these are some sexy ass pi phis, at sigmachi before the NEBRASKA game! pi phis pregame harder than you party so HAH. lol i looveee them.


this is the four of us and REID. no joke, i adore reid. he is from washington and lives on my floor. he is so quirky and sweet and i love talking to him. he just makes me smile. he is always around to give me a hug and a kiss.


this is Q. he is an awesome vietnamese guy who lives on our floor. he has a sweet hookah, which he lets me borrow since doug broke mine. Q is just such a cool chill person. i also love his roommate matt potter cause he is this big tall burly dude, who loves coookies! haha


um DUH this is JASON and we are at the phi delt invite. jason and i go way back, as do jason's roommate aaron and i. i think i met them both in the 7th grade, but now we are super close cause we live on the same floor really close to each other. jason and aaron...wow. they are such great friends who play great music and make me happy. we hang out with them all the time, except aaron hates pictures so i dont have any of him.


this is madde and, lets be honest, we all know maddie. moving forward from our time at peninsula, maddie is one of my BEST friends here. we are on CHAOTIC 3 together cause we are ghetto chinese people. she lives in our building since hers sucks and we all like it. this is us at our homeland, evk. we all love evk, and by we all i mean the 4 of us. it makes us giddy. maddie gets this awesome asian glow when she drinks but, hey, so do i.


carol SOTEROPU and i are the DREAM TEAM. it all started when we played ping pong together at orientation, then we quickly became the ultimate beer pong duo. we share clothes a lot and say funny things, then put them on facebook. carol has all these funny ways of saying things, which i copy. haha. carol sleeps in my room probably half of the week but we like it. basically, i love soteropu. carol is good to have in a crisis, but thats a long story.


this is the love of my life, ashley aka SMASH. we are twinsies. ash is a dancer, has the other single on my floor, and we are usulaly in each others room. shes amazing and we literally know all about each other even after knowning each other only for a little over a month. it was LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT! no really though, it was.


this pic is the BEST FOR LAST. these are the most AMAZING friends that i am with about all the time, too bad 2 of them are from pv haha. we are all actualy just like each other and are living together next year. its amazing amazing, we just click. its prob cause none of us like girls. HAH.

well thats it. i have more friends than that, i swear. but those are the highlights of my life here at usc.

xoxoxoox.

i just thought i would let you all know how absolutely obbsessed i am with college. no joke, its amazing. i love my friends and my floor and my classes and my room. the parties arent too bad either.

hearts dont break, they tear.




"goodbye forever."

basically a bunch of intense emotional ups and downs. stressed about packing, stressed about moving in, stressed about that fucking TO essay thats due on friday. saying goodbyes really should affect me more than it is, but its not because most people ill see soon, and everyone ill see in a few months. thats my rationale. a few months is a long time though. stupid things are making me lose it. i guess an easy solution is just pack, get ready to go, and finally write that damn essay. just cant bring myself to do it. i think its safe to say that a lot of people are going through this right now, at least those of us leaving soon. or maybe im just thinking that because i dont want to seem like the trainwreck i am becoming. i really am excited though, dont get me wrong. and go see step up, its fuckin amazing. 3 more days in pv. shit.

9 days left to hang out with me. SHIT!!!!!!